As a young adult, I suffered from bouts of anxiety and depression. I remember spending days locked in a dark bedroom not wanting to do anything but sleep, days turning into weeks. Life was nothing but darkness. Talking to people felt too much at times, I could not hold on to any job as the feeling of being surrounded by people used to feel overwhelming. Nobody understood me, nor did I. People used to tell me to 'shake it off' or to 'stop being lazy' and somehow I ended up believing that ‘being lazy and weird’ was my problem. To me, this demonstrates the importance of people being aware of what anxiety and depression are! If only my family and I knew that what I had was something that could be treated, then perhaps I would not have lost so many years of my life in darkness and solitude, feeling alone and ashamed for something that was 'not my fault!’. I could not change simply because I did not know what to change. Blaming myself constantly buried me deeper and deeper in shame. Feeling that nobody was like me, that I was the only person who felt and acted that way caused me to isolate myself more and more.
My road to recovery began with meditation. I remember the first time I read a book from the Dalai Lama called the Art of Happiness. It changed my life. Through meditation, I came to understand my own mind. Meditation has the capacity to alleviate your suffering because you learn to choose what kind of thoughts to believe. The first time I heard that the brain creates thoughts in the same way your stomach creates acid and that we have no control about this I felt for the first time free. A thought such as ‘you are not good enough’ will pass through my mind and I could see clearly that it was not my fault that such a thought did arise so I could simply see a thought as a thought and let it pass by. I did not have to believe every thought that was arising in my mind. How freeing it is to truly understand that thoughts are simply thoughts and not facts. Self-compassion work was the key ingredient to healing. The deepest act of love I ever did in my entire life was to accept myself as I was and from then on a lot of changes happened.
I am now a Mindfulness Teacher and a Psychotherapist. My passion to help comes from a deep understanding of how it feels to be alone in suffering. Sharing with the world the understanding I have gained from the causes of suffering, the universality of suffering and how to alleviate it is my deep-rooted wish in this lifetime.
The opportunity to work with young children fills my heart with joy. I hope that I can be a vehicle for help and comfort for those that encounter me. I am grateful to my amazing, most kind teacher Venerable Panchen Otrul Rinpoche whose kindness I can not repay in this lifetime, his actions have taught me so much about compassion and sharing unconditional love.
May we all be happy, may we all be free from suffering, may we all live with ease.